Hope

Once again, I return to the deepest part of me I dread

There dwell hopes and dreams, hidden in glistening spiderweb

To save me from myself, I put away these secrets of mine

Where they're safe in shadow, awaiting brief chances to shine

Patience is managed as my mind remembers woe

The wounds have long healed but the scars still show

At the expense of my spirit, I spare myself heartache

So wary, so careful, so prudent with my sanity at stake

Close off those bleeding chambers hopefully for just a while

Because in the midst of sorrow, there's still reason to smile.

Torture Chamber

I wish you could feel the things I feel

Down to the most delicate detail

So that the experience is as raw for you

As it is for me

To show you what I hide and why

For this is what I fear

That the longer this shame consumes me

And every time I present myself

A burden to those I love

Part of me dies

And the rest of my fragile self is left to cope

Until one day I won’t want to

There are times I want to cry out

Yet my screams never seem to surface

Seconds become minutes become hours

Then time stops and the senses are numb

And there is nothing left but the pain

Twisting this trembling, useless body

Into its own torture chamber

While the fear keeps the mind grounded.

Tendrils of agony play with what would be a corpse

Too damaged to be a human being

Yet not dead simply because it breathes

And still it tries to walk and speak as if normal

Until its limits are reached

Thereby revealing to everyone of its decay

The pitiful looks are too much to bear

Yet so are the faces of disgust

When I cannot manage your potential

To stand, to sit, to walk, to eat without agony

Is a blessing I’ve not had enough of to take for granted

There are times I do not know why I’m still here

Explaining over and over my misfortune

That is all too easy to forget

I do not share my suffering for your sympathy

Nor do I need your advice or comprehension

For I doubt anyone could truly understand this pain

No matter how elaborate the explanation

Unless you felt it yourself

Then perhaps your pity and maybe your two cents

Would be appropriate.

No… when I share this with you

I simply ask that you listen and nothing else

Because without someone to listen

Without someone to tell my grief to

There would be no reason to go through it.

Happy Fool

A smile that lingers, giggles echo away night

So that a happy fool may bask in sunlight

Curling toes hidden in socks, a twinkle in eyes

Then suddenly second thoughts, a nasty surprise

You're tumbling down the rabbit hole, helpless bunny

Falling way too fast for a rag doll dummy

Silly girl, maybe you've been too greedy

Relying so much on sunshine, you're so very needy

Mortal Goddess

What am I

 To those pools of black velvet

But what they do imply;

A goddess denied,

A mortal once more.

Strike me and I bleed,

This is my creed

For I am human;

A mere visage of flesh over bone.

Break my heart, the tears will pour

For you.

My eyes sicken;

Stricken at the taste of salt,

Staining faded kisses in their course,

Tainting everything divine.

Ashamed of my remorse,

My lips have forgotten sweet nectar

And things mortals will never know...

How could such euphoria bring such woe?

I once traveled the stars in bliss;

Tracing silver lines

Blindly with my fingertips.

My wings no longer recognize my skin;

I am forsaken of the skies.

I frown at the frail reflection in your eyes;

Naked of the perfection you once saw.

There is no celestial beauty nor grace,

But a canvas

Of my every damnable flaw.

Tipsy

My head is fine

But the room keeps spinning

Nothing and everything is funny

Silly haircuts

I’m a fool grinning

There’s nothing wrong with my eyes

When did you get three heads?

Your face is all of a sudden funny

I can’t help but laugh

My nose is runny

And I really gotta pee

I’m worried if I eat

That it’ll end up in the toilet

There’s nothing wrong with me.

The floor is wobbly

That’s why I stumble

My tongue is heavy

That’s why I mumble.

I call but they won’t pick up

So I hang up

And hope I won’t throw up

They laugh at me walking

But I don’t care

Because

I laugh at them talking

Silly geese

I’m careful at what I do

And don’t do

And everything else too

I’m not a fool

I just drank too much

Beating Culprit

A screeching resounds beneath uncolored flesh

Echoing off bones, tickling organs within

Nerves entice muscles to provoke a crime

Barely constrained by a stench of chagrin

Poison envenoms already soaked sentiments

Birthed by a beating culprit varnished

What once cared to relieve a burden and tear

Is itself charred, battered and tarnished

A masked visage beleaguers an honest smile

To choke behind hidden clenched teeth

Guilty and bright eyes forced into deceit

While dancing nightmares riddle underneath