Torture Chamber

I wish you could feel the things I feel

Down to the most delicate detail

So that the experience is as raw for you

As it is for me

To show you what I hide and why

For this is what I fear

That the longer this shame consumes me

And every time I present myself

A burden to those I love

Part of me dies

And the rest of my fragile self is left to cope

Until one day I won’t want to

There are times I want to cry out

Yet my screams never seem to surface

Seconds become minutes become hours

Then time stops and the senses are numb

And there is nothing left but the pain

Twisting this trembling, useless body

Into its own torture chamber

While the fear keeps the mind grounded.

Tendrils of agony play with what would be a corpse

Too damaged to be a human being

Yet not dead simply because it breathes

And still it tries to walk and speak as if normal

Until its limits are reached

Thereby revealing to everyone of its decay

The pitiful looks are too much to bear

Yet so are the faces of disgust

When I cannot manage your potential

To stand, to sit, to walk, to eat without agony

Is a blessing I’ve not had enough of to take for granted

There are times I do not know why I’m still here

Explaining over and over my misfortune

That is all too easy to forget

I do not share my suffering for your sympathy

Nor do I need your advice or comprehension

For I doubt anyone could truly understand this pain

No matter how elaborate the explanation

Unless you felt it yourself

Then perhaps your pity and maybe your two cents

Would be appropriate.

No… when I share this with you

I simply ask that you listen and nothing else

Because without someone to listen

Without someone to tell my grief to

There would be no reason to go through it.